Let's chat a bit about the thing none of us wants to admit, but we all feel: imposter syndrome. Whether you're juggling motherhood and board meetings, slaying it in your side hustle, or chasing creative dreams, that nagging feeling of "I don't deserve this" or "Their going to find out I'm a fraud" can creep up anywhere, anytime. But here's the truth: you're not alone, and you're definitely not an imposter.
Why are women particularly susceptible to this soul sucking syndrome? Think about it. From childhood messages about "proper behavior" to the constant societal pressure to be perfect mothers, wives, and professionals, we're conditioned to shrink ourselves. Add to that the gender pay gap, lack of representation in leadership roles, double standards, and the constant microaggressions, and voila! It's no wonder we sometimes question our own abilities and worth. How could we not?
Imposter Syndrome in Motherhood
Motherhood is a beautiful, messy journey, but for many of us, it can also be riddled with the insidious whispers of imposter syndrome. As a stay at home mom for 14 years it lived rent free in my head for way too long. That nagging feeling of "I'm not doing enough" or "I'm not a good enough mom" can take root and leave you feeling constantly on edge, questioning your every decision. Here's how imposter syndrome might manifest in your motherhood journey, and how to combat it:
The Perfectionist Mom: You find yourself constantly comparing your nourishing completely worthy meals to other moms' perfectly balanced, organic, gluten free, vegan, vegetarian, all natural, homemade everything, dishes, feeling like you're failing. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. Celebrate your efforts, not just the end result.
The Overachiever Mom: You cram countless activities into your child's schedule, pushing them towards excellence in academics, sports, and even music, all while fearing you're not doing enough to "enrich" them. Listen to your child's needs and prioritize quality time over ticking boxes. Summer break doesn't have to be filled with trips to the museum and Japanese lessons. Your kids can actually just entertain themselves in their own home. You know, the one you work your ass off to pay for? It's okay to slow down and it's okay for your kids to be bored.
The "Superwoman" Mom: You juggle work, motherhood, and everything in between, running on fumes while fearing the moment you finally break down. You're doing it all, because you THINK you have to do it all. You THINK that's what it means to be a "good mom". You're not Superwoman, mama. Delegate, ask for help, and prioritize self-care. Your well-being matters too.
The "Social Media Mom": You scroll through feeds showcasing seemingly perfect families, immaculate homes, and effortlessly happy children, feeling inadequate. Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not reality. If you find this to be a source of self comparison for you, start to curate your feed with more relatable moms and content creators that match your life of REALLNESS! We're out there! Focus on creating genuine memories, not picture-perfect moments.
The Guilt Monster: Every time your child cries, throws a tantrum, or struggles, you blame yourself. Remember, mistakes are inevitable, and they're how we learn. Embrace imperfection, forgive yourself, and focus on being there for your child.
Imposter Syndrom in the Work Place
The pressure cooker of the corporate world, or the exhilarating yet uncertain journey of entrepreneurship, both provide fertile ground for the sneaky seeds of imposter syndrome to sprout. For women navigating these spaces, the screams of self-doubt can be deafening, holding them back from reaching their full potential. Here's how imposter syndrome can manifest in workplaces and while building your business:
The Underachiever: You downplay your accomplishments, attributing success to luck or external factors, and shy away from promotions or taking on challenges. Remember, your achievements are earned, not accidental. Own your skills and experience.
The Invisible Woman: You hesitate to speak up in meetings, fearing judgment or appearing unprepared. Remember, your voice matters! Practice self-advocacy and contribute your unique perspective.
The Perfectionist Procrastinator: You set impossibly high standards, leading to procrastination and anxiety about meeting them. Remember, progress over perfection! Celebrate small wins and learn from mistakes.
The Avoider: You hesitate to sell your product or service, feeling like you're being "pushy" or unworthy. Remember, you believe in what you offer! Focus on the value you provide and share it with confidence. If 100 people do the same THING you do, they don't do it the same WAY you do it. HOLD ONTO THAT
The Lone Wolf Struggler: You avoid asking for help, fearing to appear incompetent. Remember, no one succeeds alone! Build a network of mentors, collaborate with others, and leverage resources.
But how do we FIX it?
I feel like this a lot and other women I talk to have struggled with imposter syndrome at some point in their lives in the different roles they've had. So we're going to talk about what we can do about it. Here's are a few tips on how to silence the gremlin and remind yourself that your doing JUST fine:
1. Reframe the narrative: Instead of believing the lies you tell yourself, challenge them with facts. List your accomplishments, big and small. Did you ace that presentation? Are you a rockstar parent? Or are you just DOING IT!? You're raising literal HUMANS. You're running an actual BUSINESS. You are already doing what you think you can't do! Celebrate your badassery!
2. Find your tribe: Surrounding yourself with supportive women who celebrate you and believe in you is magic. Join online communities, find a mentor, or build a squad of girlfriends who cheer you on, no matter what. Remember, you don't have to fight this alone.
3. Celebrate progress, not perfection: Perfectionism is the self doubt's best friend. Ditch the all-or-nothing mentality and lean into the messy journey. Focus on progress, not perfection. Every step forward, however small, is a victory dance! Doing SOMETHING is better than doing NOTHING.
4. Practice self-compassion: Be your own hype girl! Talk to yourself like you would talk to your bestie, or your daughter. This is the single most effective way for me to immediately reframe my negative self talk. Acknowledge your fears, but don't let them define you. Forgive yourself for mistakes, learn from them, and move forward with kindness and grace.
5. Do it scared: Confidence is a muscle, and sometimes you gotta pump it up! Act confident even when you don't feel it. Stand tall, make eye contact, and own your space. The more you act the part, the more you'll start to believe it. You are going to be scared and it might be uncomfortable, but the only way it's going to start to feel like second nature is if you keep showing up.
Remember, overcoming imposter syndrome is a journey, not a destination. You are worthy, you are capable, and you are enough. You are doing what you think you don't know how to do. Every day. You wake up and you put one foot forward and you learn a little bit more than you knew the day before. None of us have this figured out. None. Of. Us.
Make sure you're following me in all the places where I can help you connect and share more info with you on how to protect your peace and reconnect with yourself outside of doing allllll the things. I'm here cheering you on and offering you all the support you deserve. Be sure to sign up for the weekly Unwind to get curated content right to your inbox.
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